Because Jesus is totally against Hugging Strangers…..

…..And totally in favor of referring to fellow worshippers as “dirty apes” because of the way they exchange the sign of peace.

Shaking someone’s hand or (shudder at the thought) hugging an old lady in the Presence of Our Lord is just too much of “a terrible interruption to the mass and a distraction from where our collective focus should be at that moment.” Cursing at and deriding others when they extend a hand of friendship is exactly what Mass is all about. Jesus is happiest when you exercise your option and just ignore them.

I can’t wait for Heaven. It’ll be just like Earth, except distraction-free.


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