It’s Proud, Fishy, and one Heck of a Whopper

whopper_smallThe “Proud” Whopper from newly self-anointed Buggery King. I suspect it tastes just as crappy as the original Whopper, but covered in more colorful wrapping with an even stupider message. I wonder, is it proud to be crappy and stupid, or just stupid?

Meanwhile, a Guinness commercial depicting a loyal pubowner “leaving the light on” for a noble veteran is making the rounds on Facebook, and it’s expertly crafted to draw tears (among Guinness-drinkers, no less — a notably stoic crowd), although the truth is that the ancient and storied company has reversed itself on centuries of tradition in a mere half decade. Its values, alas, have gone the way of countless other “responsible” corporate citizens: no boundaries for decency in the pursuit of sales.

Likewise for Sam Adams Brewing and Heineken, and let’s not even get started on Starbucks Coffee.

I’m not sure that boycotts work. I don’t know. But I’ll tell you I have no interest in holding something in my hand that tells a sympathetic story for something that is directly contrary to my deeply held beliefs. And I certainly have no interest in putting something in my body that does the same thing. The more corporations use their products to be associated with values contrary to my own, the less inclined I am to patronize their stores and restaurants.

Guess what, Burger King, Guinness, Sam Adams and Starbucks: I can make my own (non-crappy, non-proud) burgers, I can make my own stout, I can make my own ale, and I can make my own coffee. I don’t need you, I don’t need your branding, and I don’t need to become another of your advertisements for the indecent and immoral. I prefer plain coffee and beer, sans sexual orientation of any type. So count me out.

As for corporations that make smartphones, maintain search engines, change my oil, and sell me groceries, ours is a tenuous relationship. I kind of have to get these things from somewhere, so if there are two roughly equivalent products, you’d better believe I’ll choose the one that doesn’t make me cringe in memory over the last round of corporate pandering.

Meanwhile, my Catholic smartphone project (expected completion: Fall 2017) is stalled in development. I’ve got a pretty good case design (Legos and pipe cleaners), but my 1962 Missal and used Vol. II Liturgy of the Hours that make up the guts (i.e., chipset) are not synchronizing easily. It’s literally the size of a brick and the battery is perpetually dead (because there isn’t one). And it only makes really poor-quality calls, to God.



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