A Lamentation: Pope Francis Thwarted My Only Financial Aspiration…

With all his talk about quieting clericalism, you’d think he wouldn’t go ruining the earnest plans of orthodox Catholic laymen like the Quartermaster with his new “Fancy Catholics Only” policy over at the Vatican Bank.

I was so excited when I learned that the IOR was finally getting a website. It was really hard to find a branch the old way. I thought I was a step closer to my ATM card with a big picture of St. Peter’s Basilica on the front, with options for dispensations of cash in euros and Vatican postage stamps (no fees!).
20131219-153552.jpgI guess it’s no bank statements in Latin (with figures in Roman numerals, and little ad inserts for things like rosaries from the Vatican Museum Collection — only 3 easy payments of 19 euros) for show-offs like me. I will never make a mobile deposit using the VatiMammon App on my iPhone or ever get my home improvement financing for the backyard shrine to Our Lady that I keep hoping to build.

Meanwhile, it’s a free-for-all of special Curial wall calendars for all the fancy clerics (you know who you are). C’mon Holy Father, lemme open an account! PLEASE? But if you send me one of those calendars, or one of these, or follow me on Twitter, I promise I’ll try to forgive and forget.


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