1. Ten-year-old boys still say things to each other like, “I’ve got to take the Browns to the Super Bowl.” (Not my boys).
2. At our county fair, kids can enter models made from Legos. Apparently a Lego “toilet” is the ideal thing to enter. Come to the fair, check out my kids’ Lego toilet. Industrial design!
3. If you give a dog a donut, he’ll want some apple juice to go with it.
4. Dogs also like sandwiches. (I knew that already). Take one bite of the sandwich and set it down to pick up the crying baby in order to make it extra attractive. Two dogs can eat one sandwich, but they’d prefer their own sandwich.
5. There is no limit to the number of times you can tell a child to stop doing something, and the minute you stop looking they will return to doing what you told them to stop doing.
6. Illinois has reason to celebrate its state supreme court, which issued an opinion today upholding the state’s parental notification law.
7. A “Dum-Dum” sucker buys 4 minutes of silence followed by 8 minutes of hyperactivity, followed by hours of sugar withdrawal symptoms.
8. I like beer. (I may have to learn that again tomorrow).